


By Your Side

by SleepyAridette



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 10:49:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16575014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepyAridette/pseuds/SleepyAridette
Summary: **THIS WORK CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA & ANIME**Synopsis:Following Ash's death, Eiji struggles to cope and decides that the only way to relieve his pain is a reunion.





	By Your Side

**Author's Note:**

> **THIS WORK CONTAINS A DEPICTION OF SUICIDE**
> 
> Please DO NOT read if you are easily triggered by this topic. Read at your own risk.

An unpleasant squeak echoed through the bathroom as Eiji twisted the knob to the bath faucet.  _ Drip.  _ A gentle draft of lavender scent filled the air as the quiet ripples hopped to and from the walls of the tub, catching small flickers of light from a few flaming candles that sat the tub’s wide rim. They, too, offered a scent that paired very well with the lavender. Eiji took a deep breath and sighed with satisfaction. The room was warm, its smell was calming, and the set up was very alluring. If the sun had been closer to setting, the scene would have almost been perfect. He would have liked to wait until all conditions were met, but with every second that passed, he found that the ache in his heart grew ever more painful. After carefully setting down a laminated photo of Ash that was clutched in his hand, Eiji slowly pulled away his clothes, allowing them to freely slip over the surfaces of his skin. His hair was next to fall as he pulled away the tie that held it up; long, soft strands covered his sides.

 

It had been nearly a decade since Ash passed away. The sudden loss affected some rather terribly, others took it as opportunity or a positive outlook; however, there was one thing the people with whom the blond boy left impactful impressions had in common.  _ Emptiness.  _ There was always the feeling of something missing, no matter how hard many tried to erase the boy’s image from their minds. Such was the case with Eiji, though he wouldn’t dream of freeing his mind of his soulmate, never. It was the emptiness, a gaping hole in the middle of his being that seemed to widen at the hands of time. Often, he would have to convince himself, more so to Sing, that it didn’t have too bad an effect on him. Of course, losing half will obviously nullify the feeling of being whole; it was a normal reaction, Eiji believed. A “matter-of-fact” scenario. He had accepted that the feeling wouldn’t die down for a long time, but assumed that his pain would ease once the worst of it came to pass. Unfortunately, that stage failed to become part of the grieving process. Instead of feeling the pain rise to a peak, Eiji felt that it was continuously intensifying, rising higher and higher to infinity. To an uncertain doom that he wasn’t quite able to fathom, though he knew it would be way worse than what he had planned for this evening. Holding his arms in slight discomfort, he gazed towards the sun to see a familiar view…

 

“ _ What? You want me to ask you to stay by my side again?” _

 

Eiji decided to shake the thought from his head as he had already given too much time to other ones. Eager to move forward with his plan, he stepped into the water. It was still sweet-smelling and inviting. Soon the rest of his body followed suit, submerging itself under the liquid and surrendering to its warmth. Perhaps this was why Ash favored baths—the atmosphere was soothing and the comfort and solitude such an environment offered definitely could not be found anywhere else. A soundless place where thoughts and memories could flow as freely as the water that made Eiji’s skin feel tender. A gateway to the part of his mind he was too afraid to access elsewhere because of immediate meltdowns. He lifted his arm to reach for Ash’s picture, the one of him sitting on a window sill, looking on at the world in front of him. It wasn’t Eiji’s favorite photo, but it always reminded him of how much Ash still had yet to see of the world, how much Eiji could have showed him in Japan.  
  


“Maybe if I didn’t send it,” Eiji whispered, “if I was by your side like you wanted—needed me to be.”

 

The water became lukewarm, and all that remained above the water’s surface was Eiji’s face and his hand that shakily held Ash’s photo. For so many years, he tried to move forward, to accept it, to be at peace. Everyone tried their best to comfort and help him—Ibe, Sing, Max and his family—they really did. But nothing changed, nothing made it better. This was the only thing Eiji believed would ultimately heal him; he needed to be with Ash again. There just didn’t seem to be any other way to become whole again without Ash. It was time to go.

 

Eiji lowered the photo to his heart, closed his eyes, and steadily lowered the remainder of his body under the water. He began to release what remaining air he held within his lungs and allowed for the water to flow into his nose and mouth. His body sent many warnings, but he resisted the urges and reflexes best he could.  _ I will see Ash again _ , he repeated over and over again in his mind, flooding it with nostalgic memories to help distract from the fire he felt in his airways.   
  


“ _ I’ll protect you. Never leave my side. _ ”   
  


Ash...   
  


“ _ Feeling bad for me again? _ ”   
  


Ash…   
  


“ _ When I think of my death, I think of that leopard... _ ”   
  


Ash!

 

**. . .**

 

Gravity seemed to disappear and Eiji subconsciously felt his body floating around. Within his mind, it was all dark and empty, all quiet save for the sound of his slow-beating heart.  
  


_Ba-dump… Ba-dump…  What was happening_ _?_   In the distance, his ears noticed a slight sound that his brain could barely perceive, though it became a bit louder as more time passed.  
  


“ _..ji.._ ”  
  


Eiji stirred at the faint sound.   
  


“Ei...Eiji!”   
  


Eiji’s eyes shot open as the sound became a familiar voice, and his heart stopped once he saw the voice’s owner.

 

“Ash…” Eiji’s eyes overflowed heavily that he could hardly make out the other’s face. “Ash…”   
  


He felt a sudden grip at both of his arms. Surprised, he looked up to see Ash, and his expression was that of distraught.   
  


“You can’t do this, stop!” Ash shouted, tears flowing down his face.  
  


Eiji was confused, didn’t he already make it? He could clearly see Ash across from him, he could feel him too… what did he mean?

 

“Ash, I’m here...I’m here!”  


 

“You can’t be here!”  


 

Eiji latched on to Ash’s shoulders, afraid that the blonde would somehow disappear again. “I-I’m not leaving your side ever again…”

 

“You never left my side, Eiji. You were always with me.”

 

“I wasn’t! I wasn’t with you and that’s why—”

 

“Eiji.” Ash brushed aside Eiji’s bangs and kissed his forehead. “You  _ were _ with me, it was the only way I could have gone as peacefully as I did, because you were with me.”

 

“Ash—“

 

“But, you can’t be with me now, not yet. You have so much to see and do.”

 

“Ash please, I need y—"

 

“Eiji, please live, for me?”

 

Eiji’s eyes filled once again, obscuring most of his vision. However, he could at least see that the world around him started crumbling into a white void. He attempted to wrap his arms around Ash, but the latter was faster in catching Eiji’s hands. Then, a mysterious force swiftly pulled Eiji against his will up and away from Ash, all while Eiji was in distressing sobs and cries. 

 

“Ash,” he screamed at the top of his lungs as he reached forward, but it was futile. Soon after, he was engulfed by a great white light, and suddenly he was on the bathroom floor choking up water. A tearful Sing loomed over him. 

 

“Eiji…” Sing had trouble finding his voice as he helped Eiji sit up. “What were...why...did you…”

 

It didn’t take long for Eiji to gather himself and realize where he was, and what had just happened. Immense pain and regret filled his heart as he looked over to the bath, then back at Sing. 

 

“Sing, I—”

 

Before Eiji could continue, Sing enveloped him in a suffocatingly tight embrace. “Ash wouldn’t have wanted this...”

 

Silent tears streaked down the sides of Eiji’s face.

 

“...I know."

**Author's Note:**

> I've been meaning to post this for a while now, since the idea came to me as a result of all the angsty headcanons on twitter (Thank sass_lona). However, I felt that it may be a bit too dark for most, but at the same time I didn't want to leave it unpublished. I hope to post more stories with happier moods in the future. Thank you for reading.


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